2P Intervention
by PastaLover5000
Summary: You know Matthew Williams, representative of Canada? Well, fuck that guy. Samuel Williams (2P Canada) is here to voice all the complaints he has with 2P fanfictions. Rated T for language.


**EDIT: Whoops. Forgot something here the first time around. Sorry, everyone.  
**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya.**

* * *

Hey. It's your old pal, Canada.

Wait.

What?

Who am I?

Who. Am. I?

WHO. AM. I!?

ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! COME OVER HERE YOU BITCH! YOU'RE GOING TO GET FUCKED UP SO BAD, THAT I-

*hours later*

Did I mention I'm taking anger management classes? Sorry about that...

Yeah, the quiet, soft, delicate, and pretty feminine version of me that you call Matthew may or may not have been knocked out with a hockey stick, thrown inside a closet, and had his computer taken over. So, if you want that guy, go back and read some more terrible PruCan fanfiction or whatever with him. (Would that be like me and Gilen together?)

Instead, I, Samuel Williams, am here representing the 2 Players and we are going to take the 1 Players apart, dissect their organs, and then eat their hearts. Nah. Just kidding. Instead, I'm supposed to be voicing our complaints. And if you don't know what '2 Players' are, there's this great new website called fucking GOOGLE.

Note from Luciano: Though it brings me joy to know that the people have recognized some of my talents with Italian torturing methods, knives, and the rare usage of guns, I would like to point out that I am NOTHING like that idiot Feliciano! First off: I don't eat pasta. That is the worst! And no I don't eat it with blood. That's all Flavio. Go to him. Second: I don't...uh...well..have forced sexual relations with Germany...he and I are just...uh...Well, I'm his superior! Nothing more! Nothing less! Okay? Good! Third: Why does everyone depict me as the guy with no heart? I have one. ...somewhere...

Back to Samuel: He's not happy. You should have seen him earlier. He was throwing things. Oh yeah. You're probably wondering why I'm leading this thing. Well, every time Luciano over there tried to include his thoughts, he kept getting madder and madder. So, now we have Siegfried entertaining him with a puppet show. As for Olive, well, he's making cupcakes for all of us. He promised no poison, but I'm not so sure.

And to everybody who's all like, "Ugh. One of those people who think they're sooooooooo great." Well, I'd like to see you in stories depicted as someone evil who beats people up and murders them as well as having a rabid polar bear dog thing as a sidekick even if you think you're just about the most wonderful person ever. Fuck you and fuck your feelings.

Note from Flavio: LISTEN GUYS! I'M SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T CONTINUE MY BLOG! YOU'RE ALL VERY FABULOUS AND WONDERFUL! MY ADMIN JUST GOT BORED OF IT! SHE'LL CONTINUE REALLY SOON OKAY!? I STILL HAVE LOVI IN MY BASEMENT!

Back to Samuel: Ignore that.

Anyway...

I know how you like to depict us as "KILL ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WE TOUCH!". It's been quite funny to read at first and it has entertained us for quite awhile. Really. Now, it's just getting sad.

First off, I don't want to see another story of us taking over the world. Our world is good enough. It's fine! There wouldn't be a good reason to take theirs. Is it so you can see those other nations kick our asses or something?

Second off, if you're going to write a story about one of those goddamn 1 Players turning into us, do you have to take everything good about them and make them evil? Besides, if Matt in the closet over there wants to be me, does that mean I want to be him? News flash: I don't. I think that after having an alcoholic and a smoker as a father, some sugar-coated freak as a...mother...I guess, and someone who teases you all the time for a brother, then you'd decide to reinvent yourself too.

Third, why are all these stories around about a 1 Player switching universes? I mean, if it has to be there, then why do all the 2 Players instantly discover that he's from another universe and they all introduce themselves and everything? I get that the person think it'd be interesting to see a 1 Player react to us, but how many of these are there?

And finally, I don't want to hear about how evil we are. We are just like the ones on the other side of the mirror. Just as they have done dark things before that they regret, we have done some kind things too. We have light somewhere in our supposedly dark, selfish hearts. We have dreams and wishes.

Like, Japan wishes for more nations with tits. Germany wants to be able to stand up for himself (which is stupid because he's buff enough to do so anyway). Italy? Well, who knows what that guy wants?

As for me, if there was anything I could wish for, it would just be one thing. It would be...

...

...

...

...to be known.

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***The thing from Flavio/2P Romano was a reference to a blog known as "Ask 2P Romano", a thing where people send in questions and then Flavio answers. Lovino was tied up in his basement for the occasion. I took a break from like a month ago, but I might start it back up again. Who knows? **

**Headcanon: All of the 2Ps seem completely different from the 1Ps, but since they still both represent the same country, there are some things they both share. In Sammy's case, it's too be known. In fact, being ignored is his greatest fear. **

**This was supposed to be all serious at first, but then it became this funny thing. I actually like how it turned out. Feel free to check my other stories out as well! **

**-PastaLover5000**


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